The #1 problem that keeps high-achievers stuck is actually the complete opposite to what most people think and if you don't acknowledge it, it will keep causing problems. Then you need the D.R.E.A.M. framework to overcome it.

Transcript

Welcome to the achieve anything show brought to you by Stryv and today’s host, Zander, Woodford Smith.

Welcome, welcome, welcome Stryvers on this episode on how to get unstuck from destructive habits in life. We had a fantastic response to the episode on how to reduce mental stress and we had a lot of people writing in saying that that was really useful on the tips. So if you haven’t seen that video or podcast, go and watch that or listen to that. But I also had people writing in saying they just feel stuck in some areas of their life, like they can’t move forward like they’ve wanted this goal and it’s been a priority for them for so long, but they haven’t been able to achieve it. So I want to dive right into the content and I’m going to show you a really powerful framework at the end that’s going to help you to overcome this. But the first thing is we’ve got to understand the problem because it’s not what most people think.

So a lot of people that wrote in thought they were lazy and the truth is they’re not lazy. Not In the traditional sense of the word in terms of, you know, people not making an effort, but in a way they don’t have the care that they need. And that’s another form of laziness you can talk about is if you don’t really care about something enough, it’s kind of too relaxed towards the outcome is the way that you can think about it and a lot of people are falling into this where they’re doing activity, but because they haven’t really thought about what actions lead to the things they want, which is what we’re going to discuss at the end of this video with that framework. Then they’re holding themselves back. And so a lot of people feel like they’re busy and feel like they’re doing things towards their goals and they’re not achieving them.

So something’s going on there. So this is how we need to redefine the problem so that we can get you unstuck. Okay? And so the number one destructive habit to people stuck is probably the complete, in my view, is the complete opposite to what most of you think is actually the most valuable thing to be doing. So what I think is the number one most destructive habit to people getting stuck is actually gaining more knowledge, having some knowledge and just reading the books, you know, doing little things, getting like the online programs and just constantly learning new stuff and feeling as though you’re doing something about the thing you want to do, whether that’s making more money, whether that’s losing weight, whether that growing a business, whether that’s raising your kids, whatever it is for you. A lot of people get stuck in this knowledge on continuous learning stage, feeling as though they’ve always got to get stuff and that satisfies the urges though that are dealing with the issue, but they’re not actually building the habits, putting the time and focused energy into the things that they actually.

What I know I’ve been guilty of this so I know how you feel and I’m sure you know an area of your life where you’ve been guilty of this. Now when you are creating a new behavior, when you’re trying to get a new outcome, knowledge acquisition is the first part. You know, if you need to learn something new to be able to do that, but people go way, way too far of this, and this is quite often because of how the education system works in terms of teaching you to not ever get everything wrong, trying to be perfect when you go and choose something bigger in life later on, then you want to make sure you don’t make any mistakes so you get knowledge and you feel like you don’t have enough to be perfect, so you go get more knowledge. Then you can do a few things, so you learn this diet.

Then you’re learning about another diet when you could be putting on your running shoes and going, running whatever it is for you. So I think that number on destructive habit is actually just constantly gaining knowledge and making it feel as though you’re doing something when you really not doing the things that move the needle on getting you unstuck and getting you towards your goals and that knowledge reinforcement keeps you stuck because it keeps you on the hamster wheel instead of implementing. Okay? So that’s really, really important. And what happens is, so we’re going to the next step is you need to be able to handle that disappointment because it’s, it’s so draining to feel like you’re putting effort in an activity and not getting the result you want because it feels unfair. It feels as though you’re never going to get there. It feels as though impossible.

You get a sense of why me? Why can’t I do this? What’s so different about anybody else? Am I never going to be able to do this? And I’m here to tell you, if you set a goal for yourself and you don’t achieve it how you want to, then you’ve got a few options there. If you are not a striver, you can just give up and just say, well, forget that, but if you’re a striver and if you’re watching this far, then I know you are. Then you’re not. I know that that’s not an option, but you need to get feedback and you need to look at really honestly why you didn’t achieve that goal. So if you set a goal to lose a certain amount of weight in a certain amount of time, hopefully time bit and you didn’t achieve that, that’s really valuable feedback.

You know, all the old cliches about failure is never a failure. It’s just, you know, you’ve learned a new bit of data to move towards your result. That’s really true. If you handle it in the right way, you know, instead of just pure disappointment, it’s now time to develop a deeper understanding of what it’s going to create to take to achieve that goal. So if you didn’t lose the way will, what were you eating that caused you not to lose that way? You need a much deeper assessment. You need to just realize that, okay, I can’t do what I did to get to where I want to be and it’s not going to take learning about a new diet. Learn about new this. It’s going to take first a pure self awareness about what happened that led to the results you got that weren’t the results you wanted.

Then if you later need more knowledge, that’s fine, but quite often it’s not. About more knowledge, quite often it’s about not implementing the level of transformation that you needed to, and now this I think is going to clear so much up, so this is where I want to go onto the next stage and tell you just about a piece of our transformation model that we share fully in our [inaudible] program. So the transformation model looks at, okay, any transformation you ever want to take in life, what is the possible scenario? So at the very bottom you’ve got, you know where you’re not even aware changes possible, and at the very top you’ve got, you’re so inspiring that you’re changing other people’s lives by you being a role model, but we’re not talking about that today. Today what we’re talking about is that center part where it’s about you and it’s about how you are going to change between levels because right in the center when you’ve realized that you’ve explored that, you want to make this change and you’ve stepped up to, okay, it’s time to make this change.

Let’s make more money. Whether it’s lose weight, whatever it is. Then you’ve stepped into the middle, what we call level three, the practitioner where you’re starting to engage with the process. So if you want to lose weight, then it’s that you’re starting to go to the gym, you’re signed to eat healthily, okay, but you’ve only just started and you haven’t really got to the next stage of actually practicing deeply. You know, you’re just starting. Maybe you just signed up to the gym, but you’re not going there often. Or let’s say you’re a business coach, you know, and you’re starting to dabble with the idea and sending some messages out to people to get clients, but you haven’t really started really acting like a business coach yet in order to grow your practice that you need to, so you’re, you’re engaged with the process. A step more is you’re practicing, but then to make the big leap up where change actually happens and how to get unstuck is where you need to make the big leap upper level.

You need to go from being a practitioner to it being embodied and it’s that old saying about, it’s about becoming that person. Okay? And here in embodied, you go from practicing up to being consistent with it and then in the ultimate stage actually embodied in itself. So it’s no longer something you just think you have to do. It’s what you. It’s who you are. So you don’t think, oh, I’ve got to just, I’ve got to go to the gym four times a week is you actually just. That is how you live your life. Okay. That is how you show up in the world. And for most of you, you’re still having to use willpower on the goals where you’re stuck, you’re stuck and you haven’t shifted your identity enough that it becomes just who you are. And that’s why people don’t get the results they want and they feel they’re stuck and it’s not their fault because they feel like they’re doing all these things in terms of knowledge and doing these things, but it some point you’ve got accept.

If I haven’t got the result I want, it’s not enough and either I have to give up on the result, which I know most drivers will not do and they shouldn’t. In my opinion is you’ve got to realize, okay, I must have to do more if I haven’t lost the weight yet. I need to go to the gym more. I need to get a strict diet. I can’t have these little treats and stuff that if I want to make more money, I’ve got to make more phone calls. I’ve gotten to learn more how to stop losing clients because it’s absolutely key. If I want to grow my practice, it’s really important to understand whether you’re at the practicing level, where you’re engaged, you’re engaged or you’re practicing, or you’re at the consistent an embodied level, so whether you’ve moved up a level in terms of the transformation model and then the level above that is where you actually truly transformed, but you’ve got to start by becoming who you are.

So how do you do that? Well, the way to do that is to use the dream framework. Now this is the framework I used as part of our dreams dashboard that result over 15,000 people and then there’s late attending to the strive app, but it’s so, so powerful for making any change you want in life. So the first thing is you’ve got to know your desire. What is it that you want? Do you want more clients? Do you want to keep them for life? Do you want to lose weigh? Do you want to grow a business? What is it that you want and define it really clearly. Then what’s your reality? So if you want to be 120 pounds and your reality is your 130 pounds, then you need to know that it’s important to know where you’re starting from because that’s the only way you can build a map and a way to get there and go onto the next step in a second to know what it’s going to take to get that because it’s very different.

If you’re going on a journey from Edinburgh to London, then if you’re going on a journey from China to London, there’s going to be some different things you’ve got to do depending on those journeys and then the empower section. You’ve got to know why. So these are the two, two really important things that their desire and empower, they’re all important because you’ve got gotta know where you are, but one of the reasons people constantly make like not so great longterm decisions and then focus more on the short term is because it’s much easier to hold the present pleasure for that short term benefit in much clearer detail because it’s right in front of you. You see the chocolate cake. The only way to start triggering the other parts of the brain, like the pre the Ventura pre medial cortex thing. I’ve said that right is to get much more where it triggers the longterm benefits of not giving into the instant gratification is you’ve got to have a much clearer future presidents future idea and that’s why clarity is so important, which we talked about in other videos because then that’s strong enough to overcome the what you see right in front of you.

If that’s not clear, you can’t put your attention on it and you cannot value it. You just cannot put your enough value in there because it’s not clear enough. You don’t see it, so you’ll always way this one more. So that’s why the desire, knowing what you want and then the empower why you want it is so, so key. Then you’re going to go onto the ambition. So you want to just define clearly what it is. So it might be. So the desire might be, oh, I just want to be really healthy and fit and full of energy and the ambition is where you give it some detailed numbers. Is that okay? What does that mean? Well, I want a bmi of 20. I want to weigh 120 pounds what my blood pressure to be, you know, 80 or 120 or the other way around, whichever way it is, so you’d clear what the measure is to get there, and then finally the m is the method and this is where we get into habits and this is where you need to know what you’ve got to be doing on a weekly and daily basis to move to where you want to be.

If you don’t have that and you’re claiming that this is one of your priorities in life, then you’ve missed the boat completely and you’re going to stay stuck and it’s going to keep being this thing in your head of just thinking that you should be doing better and asking yourself, why aren’t I doing better? Well, it’s because it’s not been put into yet. There’s been no space made for your time and energy to put into it. So whereas last week’s episode was about reducing mental clutter, it was about all the little external things that can plug up the capacity in your brain. Here is where you’re kind of doing it to yourself with much bigger life goals and things like growing a business or achieving the body you want, but because you haven’t clarified it, you can’t put it in your and you haven’t put it in your diary.

It’s just creating this feeling of being stuck. It’s just kind of like having something on the computer that constantly keeps that a virus that keeps shutting down the computer and just slowing down the work is not that. The Ram is like overloaded. Like I was talking about last week’s episode here. It’s just where you’ve just got something that’s going wrong is that it keeps pulling you away, but you don’t really know what it is because you haven’t defined it and you put time to it in your diary. So if you come to me and tell me that your number one priority in life is to get to you know, is to lose weight because you want to be healthy and full of energy and full of vitality and want to live a long time. You will feel great and have time to play with your kids and whatever it is, and you don’t have a clear diet plan and you don’t have a workout.

You know first thing in the morning to make sure that nothing else messes with it and that isn’t the first thing that goes in your diary. Then what? What are you doing if that you only have certain things and resources you can use in your life to actually practically define your priorities. You’ve got your time, your energy and your attention. That’s pretty much it, so you’ve got to decide right now where you want to place those things and if they aren’t on your priorities and it’s not in your diary as a regular thing, then it’s not your priority. You can tell yourself it is over and over again, but your actions are speaking louder than words and this is why in the new strive app, what are the key things we’re building is the ability and you’ve already got it to build routines and habits that are linked to what your big goals are.

And so you get your big vision for what you want. You drill down to your goals and ambitions, and then you actually have routines and habits. So you say, right, okay, if it’s, if it’s my health, what is my health routine? If it’s my success or I want to earn more money, what is my business or productivity routine? And the time gets locked in there before you can even put in other actions that are related to other goals. Because you want to know the method that’s going to create the actions. Because if you’re doing that and you’re measuring that and you then your spending time working towards what you want to achieve, you know when you get to the date that you’d set for yourself, whether you achieved it or not, whether the level of activity that you were doing was enough to get you the goal.

And if you. If it wasn’t, then you get feedback and now you get a better understanding and belief about what it’s going to take in order to achieve your goal. So instead of getting disheartened, you’ve gained data, you’ve gained data and you can develop greater discipline and realize you need to be at a certain level in the personal transformation model in order to create that change. You can’t just dabble. You can’t say, oh, well, my habit was I was going to go to the gym once a week and I was going to die at once a week. Um, you know, and rest was cheat meals. Oh, I didn’t get to where I want it. Okay, I need to be practicing much more. I need to do this and this. Oh, that didn’t quite get me to where I. Right, okay. I need to be way more consistent.

So I planned to go three times a week and I probably went three times a week, only 50 percent of the time. We got to get more consistent and then we’ve got to move to actually being embodied. It’s just who I am. This healthy 120 pound person or this successful business coach who has lifelong clients. You wouldn’t even dream of thinking about going and working with anyone else. That’s what it takes to get unstuck and to remove destructive habits from your life. That level of understanding of that knowledge can get in your way. You need to apply it so you can get the feedback loop to find out what level of transformation your app and then use the dream framework to assess and the method section in particularly to assess whether you’re doing enough and if you need to, to move up higher using the personal transformation model to achieve the transformation that you really want so that you can get unstuck from where you are.

And now here’s a great opportunity in two days. It’s a new month starting when I’m posting this video for you. There’s a new week starting very soon. Tomorrow is a new start for you. You can start a new whenever you want, so I want you to think about what is your top priority and then I want you to accurately assess where you are. Honestly, it’s probably a better word. Assess where you are on the parts of the transformation model. I’ve shared with you, I haven’t shown you our whole model that’s in our strive program. Didn’t want to overwhelm you because being honest with yourself and being self aware, I will then allow you to say, okay, where do I need to be in order to achieve this goal? For most people to achieve the goals they want, they need to be at least at the embodied section in order to do that and then decide what habits you need in order to achieve that.

Use the dream framework to get really clear on what you want and get that in your diary. Make your priority your priority with your time, energy, and attention. It should show up first if it is the most important thing. That’s why the first thing for people who want to spend more time with the kids should be time with their kids. Put it in the diary. You used the new strive app to have time with kids as a routine in the evening. Create a family routine for that. Really, really important and that will help you get unstuck. So I hope you enjoyed this episode. Guys. Leave a like and a comment below, you know and use that you know, the next month or next week, whatever, to go on a challenge for yourself and see what transformation you can make in the next 30 days. I’m looking forward to hearing it and hearing your success. Tune in next week. Until then, keep striving.

Thank you for listening to the achieve anything show. Be sure to visit [inaudible] dot com to join the conversation, access show notes, and discover other fantastic bonus content. It’s only available on the website.

Zander | CEO Stryv

Zander is the CEO of Stryv and leads the Stryvers community with over 15,000 coaches, entrepreneurs and high-achievers. He is a 2x Global Impact Award Winner, Tedx Speaker and has spoken at industry leading events such as the Business For Good Conference. He is an expert on personal growth and scaling online businesses and has coached Olympic Athletes/Coaches & Global Executives.

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