The Old Myth and The New Powerful Model
Talking about how to live your best life is a big topic, so I have broken it down into some very simple steps for you that are backed up by research. At the end of this blog I will share with you the B.E.S.T Framework and the four pillars that you need to live an incredible life, but before that I want to share with you…
The one myth people have about living their best life.
It may surprise you but people think that living your best life is about maximising their happiness and success. I’m using the words success and happiness together understanding that many people think those are intertwined. In fact, research shows that people think the key to living your best life is to be happy. The truth is research also shows that is not the case, instead it shows us that…
There is something much more important than happiness…
and I am now about to show you how to start rethinking how you can live your best life possible. The model I am about to share with you will allow you to instead of thinking in a linear fashion of what your life means, start thinking more multi-dimensional. That is so much more important than thinking about happiness.
Let’s do a little experiment to demonstrate:
Ask yourself this: On a scale from 0 to 10
0 being completely sad and unhappy
10 being absolutely ecstatic happiness
how happy are you right now? Think about it for a second.
Most people who think in a linear fashion only need to go a little bit higher on that scale and life will be so much better for them. If they could be at 8, 9 or 10 in their state of happiness all the time, life would be fantastic.
Now here’s the thing – life is not that linear scale. Research shows that there’s something more important than happiness. So here’s my second question for you:
On a scale from 0 to 10
0 being not at all
10 being completely utterly fulfilled with purpose
How much meaning do you have in your life?
If you are not sure about what I mean by this, I am about to share with you the BEST framework, that will show you how to get meaning in just a second. The way I like to use these linear scales is to multiply them with each other, thinking where I am in life out of 100 – 10 x 10. It’s important to take a moment and recognise where you are at, whether you need more meaning in life or whether you are looking for more happiness.
This model actually goes deeper into what we do at Stryv. At Stryv we think about happiness and success as a form of horizontal learning, whereas Meaning on the other hand has to do with Vertical Development. I will show you how it has more to do with Vertical Development as we go onto the B.E.S.T Framework, but just keep that in mind, thinking about your two linear numbers and where you are at in your life right now.
If you want to move the happiness and success it’s more to do with the horizontal learning, while if you want to move meaning it’s more to do with vertical learning. Obviously what you want to do is both. You need both horizontal and vertical development, a combination we focus on at Stryv. There are so many programmes out there that focuses on the horizontal learning only, but we want to focus on the vertical development and the meaning behind it all – because the meaning is much more important than happiness according to research when it comes to living your best life.
The B.E.S.T Framework
There are four pillars that helps you create your best life and helps you find your meaning rather than happiness in life, and these comes from research shared in a TEDx talk by Emily Esfahani. I have changed the wording slightly of these pillars to make it easier for you to remember, and they look like this:
BELONGING – This is about belonging for who you truly are, for yourself and other people. Not just belonging to a company because you are willing to work there. It’s about a deeper sense of belonging, doing something or working with something you are passionate about, or belonging to a group that you really feel a key part of just because of who you are. This is number one and I will share with you towards the end of this blog why vertical development is the key to all of these pillars.
ENGAGED PURPOSE – An engaged or empowering purpose is the second thing you need to find a deeper meaning. We can all say that we have purpose, we can say that our purpose is to make money or to survive, and many people do exactly that. But if we don’t really feel engaged or empowered by that purpose, well then it’s not going to create that much meaning. While Emily only uses the word purpose I think it’s important to differentiate between just having a purpose and actually having and engaged or empowered purpose behind what you are doing.
SELF STORYTELLING – This element actually surprises a lot of people when I speak about it and I do go into more detail about this further in the StryvX programme. This is about the personal narrative we create for our lives. For example – something in my personal narrative that has shifted over the years is that the things that have happened to me when I was younger, instead of allowing myself to be defined by them, looking back on them as bad things that happened to me, I’ve kind of transitioned them into being great gifts that has made me who I am today. I am not defined by those things, they have created a new kind of destiny for me to help others to overcome the same or similar obstacles. We all create a self-narrative and the way that we create it is how we create the meaning of our lives and whether we define our life as the best life possible or not.
TRANSENDENCE – This is where you move to a higher level, a higher being of who you are. You get more connected to things around you, it’s a more spiritual practice. Or if we want to keep it in more scientific terms, we can speak about self-actualisation. There’s all sorts of different lines you can look at but we all transcend, becoming more than who we are now. Becoming bigger than just ourselves is the key.
These are the four pillars of the new model: Belonging, Engaged Purpose, Storytelling and Transendence.
Now why is Vertical Development so important to all that?
Well Vertical Development helps all four of those pillars. As you develop higher, you feel more and more one with more people so you have more possibility to belong to bigger groups, and you actually have bigger groups you can become part of that are more meaningful to you as you now see them as a part of your identity, part of humanity. It not only makes it easier but it makes your life bigger and more fulfilled. An empowered or engaged purpose starts becoming really important if you are looking at something like the Stages model that we have showed you in previous blogs. This is especially showing in the later stages of 3, 4 and 4.5. What you need to know is that as you start making progress on your growth, purpose becomes an important thing, you start to realise what is driving you inside and you understand there’s a context that’s driving that purpose of yours. Your own vertical development starts generating this need for a purpose and as you develop higher you get more of an ability to control and define what that purpose is for you, creating more and more meaning.
When it comes to storytelling, vertical development allows you to see more objectively who you are. All Vertical Development is at its core is levelling up so that you can see what is actually going on. Instead of just being caught up in the anger of the moment, if you practice you may just be able to catch yourself and recognise when you are starting to get angry, allowing yourself to have some control over it. That’s actually all Vertical Development is – that movement from subject to object. In terms of being able redefine your own story – vertical development is key for that because each time you go up a level you see things and have control over things that you didn’t used to.
Eventually you will get to such a high level called that it allows you to create any story or narrative that you want. It’s really exciting to start to dig into that tier! In fact most Stryvers in our group are just below that big breakthrough of being able to really redefine who they are and what they want to be.Transendence is basically the same thing as Vertical Development in the end. The whole point of Vertical Development is transformation and transcendence up the different lines of human consciousness, maturity and values.
So if you want more meaning in your life – because that’s after all better than happiness – follow The B.E.S.T Framework.
The way to hit all four pillars of the framework is of course – through vertical development. I know I keep mentioning it but this is why it is SO important. We’ve already found out that…
Meaning is much more important than happiness
We found out the four things we need in order to have that meaning that is more important than happiness, and we found out the number one process in order to achieve all four of those things. I would love to see comments about what number you guys get when you multiply your two linear numbers as well as which one of those four pillars you need to focus on in order to have more meaning in your life. Comment below!
And finally, before I leave you, just remember this: Don’t be happy – just vertically develop!
In this episode of how to live your best life, I’m going to share with you the number one myth people have about living their best life, the new model, in order to live your best life, to get you completely thinking differently about it, and the best framework that’s going to show you the four steps you need to be focused on, to live a life that you find absolutely extraordinary. So let’s dive in and stick around to the end of the video.
Welcome to the show and today’s host, Zander, Woodford Smith.
Welcome, welcome. Welcome Stryvers. To this week’s episode of the achieve anything show this week, we’re talking about how to live your best life, a big topic I know, but I’ve broken it down into such simple things for you and what’s backed by research. And at the end I’m going to share with you the best framework and show you the four pillars that you need to live an incredible life. But first I want to share with you the number one myth people have about living their best life. And it’s this. People think living the best life is about maximizing happiness. Maximizing success, and I’m using success and happiness also most interchangeably. I don’t mean success in that having a large house or financial material success, but people genuinely think living their best life is about being happy and research shows. It’s not that there’s something more important than how happiness and I’m going to show you how you need to start rethinking about how live your best life in the model that we’re going to share that gets you thinking instead of in a linear fashion about what your life means.
Thinking more multidimensional because it’s actually more important than just thinking about happiness because let’s do a little experiment here and we’ll go right onto the model. Ask yourself on a scale of zero to 10, zero being not really at all completely sad and 10 being absolute ecstatic, happiness. How happy are you right now? So just think about it for a second. Okay? Now, most people in their limit thinking that linear fashion that they just need to go a bit further along that scale and then life will be brilliant. If I could be an eight, nine, or 10 happiness all the time, life would be fantastic. Now, here’s the thing, life is not that linear scale. Research shows that something more important than happiness. So here’s my second question for you. On a scale of zero to 10, zero being not at all and 10 being completely, utterly fulfilled with purpose, how much meaning do you have?
How much meaning is there in life? And don’t worry if you’re a bit confused about what that means, I’m going to share with you the research that shows how you get meaning in a second. That’s part of the best framework. So the way like to use those two numbers is I like to multiply them together to think about where I am in life out of 100. Because if you had 10 out, tenured at 10 and 10, you’d have 100. Obviously in zero and zero, you’ve got nothing. So where are you on that scale? And you’ll see if you plot the numbers, it kind of creates this like curve up and it’s important to know that because then you know what you need to focus on, whether you need more meaning in life, whether you want more happiness and these model actually goes deeper into what we do at stripe.
So we think about happiness and success. There’s a lot of the horizontal learning features, whereas the meaning is to do with vertical development and I’m going to show you why that’s more to do with vertical development as we go onto the best framework, but just keep that in mind that thinking about your two numbers of where you are and if you want to move the happiness and success. It’s more of a horizontal learning thing. If you want to move, meaning it’s more of a vertical thing and obviously what you want to be doing is you want to be doing both. Okay, so you need both horizontal and vertical development, which is what we focus on a with that combination of both of them, but there’s so many programs out there that just focused on horizontal learning. I want to focus on the vertical development part and the meaning part because the meaning is more important than the happiness according to research in terms of you living your best life and his four pillars that are shown to create your best life.
And this comes from some research shared in a Tedx talk by emily as for Harney and so the four pillars that I’ve changed the wording slightly as I always do to make it easier for you to remember, but number one is belonging. You know, and this is belonging for who you truly are and people who truly value you for who you are and that you value others. It’s not just belonging for you know what you believe or what you’re going to do or you know you belong to a company, but just because you were willing to work there. It’s not about that. It’s about a deeper sense of belonging. The belonging people feel if they go and work for a company that they’re really passionate about and feeling engaged behind the process or belonging to a group that they really feel it feel a key part of just for who they are rather than not just what they believe in.
Other things outside of that. So that’s number one. And I’m going to share with you at the end why vertical development is the key to all of them. So belonging number one, an engaged purpose is the number two thing you need in order to feel a much deeper sense of meaning. Or you could even say an empowering purpose. So the main key is, is that we can all say we have purpose. Even if we, we don’t really feel an idea, oh well my purpose is to make money. You know, in order to survive perhaps is to survive. Well, if we don’t really feel engaged and empowered by that purpose, it’s not going to create that much meaning. So while emily only uses the word purpose, I actually think it’s also useful to fit into the best model. But I think it’s important to differentiate the fact of having an engaged or empowered purpose behind what you’re doing.
Then the s, the s actually surprises a lot of people when you’re talking about meaning, they don’t realize how important is. And I talked about this in the other video on how to change yourself. So the s stands for self storage or storyteller and this is about the personal narrative that we create for our life, our lives. So for example, a thing of my personal narrative that has shifted over the years is the things that happened to me when I was younger instead of being as defined by them as being bad. Things are all the personal development I’ve done. I’ve kind of transitioned into, oh those were such great gifts and this is who I am because of that in a good way. I’m not defined by that. It’s created a new kind of destiny. And so to help others and to overcome those things as well.
And so we all create our self narrative and depending on how we create that self narrative depends on the meaning that we have about life. And how, whether we define life as living the best life possible or not. So that’s number three. And then the fourth one is transcendence. And this is where you move to a higher level, a higher being of who you are. You get more connected to things around you, you know, it’s a more spiritual practice, or you, if you keep it in scientific terms, in Maslow, you’re talking about self actualization. There’s all kinds of different levels and lines you could look at, but we all get the idea of transcendence, of becoming more than who we are now. Becoming bigger than just ourselves is the key. So those are the four belonging and empowering purpose, self story and transcendence. Now, ways vertical development important to that.
Well, that’s called development helps all four of those. As you develop higher, you feel more, uh, more one with more people so you can belong to, you have more possibility to belong to a bigger group, to other groups. And you actually have bigger groups that you can become part of that are more meaningful because you now see them as part of your identity, part of humanity. So it not only helped makes it easier, but it makes it bigger and more fulfilled is number one in terms of vertical development. Number two, an engaged empowered purpose. So an empowered purpose starts coming really into the importance. If you’re looking at something like a stages model at levels four, four, then later stages of three, and in the stages of four and four point five, now explain what some of that means in other videos and our training programs, but all you need to know is that you start to, as you start doing personal growth, another thing, purpose becomes an important thing.
You start to realize, hmm, what was driving me inside? And you understand that there’s some context that creates that purpose. So your own vertical development starts generating this need for a purpose, and as you develop higher, you get even more ability to control that purpose and define what that purpose is for you. Creating more and more meaning. Then in terms of self storytelling, vertical development allows you to see more objectively who you are. So literally all development is at its core is when you take something that you used to be subject to, like being inside the water, not able to see anything and development is just where you kind of go a level up and you can now see what’s going on. So instead of being like just caught up in the anger of the moment, if you do some practice, you might develop and you might actually be able to catch yourself.
And blahah I feel myself getting angry. I’ve got some control over it. That’s all development is, is that movement from subject to object. So in terms of being able to redefine yourself story, vertical development is key for that because each time you go up, you see things and have control over things about yourself that you didn’t use to until you get to such a high level called construct awareness that you literally can create any self story and narrative that you want because you see it was all a story to begin with. So it’s really exciting to start getting to that tear and most strivers in our group and kind of just below that big breakthrough in order to him to completely redefined kind of who they are and be whatever they want to be. And then finally, transcendence. I mean that’s just clear in itself.
It’s basically the same thing as vertical development. The whole point of vertical development is transformation and transcendence up the different lines of human consciousness, of values, of maturity that you can do as a human being. So if you want more meaning in your life, follow the best framework and the way to hit all four pillars of the best framework at once is through vertical development. So I know I keep banging on about it, but this is why it’s so important. So it’s more important than happiness because we’ve found out that meaning is more important than happiness. We found out the four things we need in order to have that meeting, which is more important to happiness. And we found out the number one process in order to achieve all four of those things. So don’t be happy just vertically developed. So that’s enough from me and my ran this week. I hope that’s been useful in terms of you rethinking what’s important in life. So I’d love to see about what your number was when you multiply them together and what the two work and which of the four pillars you feel you need to focus on in order to have more meaning in your life. But until then, keep striving. Have a fantastic week and I’ll see you next week.
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